# 2 Le premier baiser

 

She takes my hand and plays with my fingers. Her skin is so sweet. I think I want her. I want her more.  I don’t want her to stop. And I think she knows. “So, did you ask yourself if you are lesbian?” Oh god, that’s so embarrassing, but at the same time it’s interesting to talk about that finally with someone. I answer: “Yes, I did. I did a lot.

-All right. And how was the first time?

-The first time? I asked myself if I was a lesbian? Hum… Yeah, I remember it, I was like 10 years old. I was at the school, and of course it was one of my best friend.

-Your best friend of course.

-Yeah, I guess?  But I didn’t have many friends at that time, I was kind bullied like I was the ugly one.

-Oh my god! Really?

-Yeah, I don’t know why. When I see the pictures now, I was a cutie, I don’t understand. So, I hated school, I had nightmares, it was horrible, I didn’t want to go, you know the kids are really mean. Fortunately, I danced a lot, and I was popular in those classes. I hope I wasn’t mean. At school, Charlène arrived in our class. She was a new girl in our small town, I think her dad was a military or something like that. She was pretty, long brown hair, lightly tanned skin, she was Spanish, yeah.  Hum, she was funny, and she was friends with everyone because she talked to everybody. And then I remember once, the boys made fun of me and took my pencil case. At that time, I didn’t talk a lot, people said that I was shy, I was a bit but I was mostly just not there, I couldn’t talk. Oh gosh, that ‘s sad. I didn’t realize that I was unhappy at school, I remember that I wanted to change school. But I don’t know… So, the boys took my pencil case and threw it across the classroom. Then, Charlène stood up and she defended me, she asked the boys to stop and said that wasn’t cool. She took back my pencil case and her stuff then she sat down next to me.

-Oh cutie.

-I know, right? Then we started to be friends. My heart was always beating hard when she was around. And I thought about her all the time, so one time, I was in the playground and I was watching her plays. And then I stopped myself thinking and I asked myself: “Am I a lesbian?” I was scared, that being lesbian at this time was a shame. Nobody talked nicely about that. But this love was really big for me. I told myself that I am not, and it’s just a big friendship, or something. So, I started to watch the boys play. I guess, I just kept going like that until now.

-And what’s happening now?

-I don’t know. The boys aren’t that interesting. I don’t want to pretend anymore, because I’m unhappy.” I smile, she comes closer. She takes my hand and kisses it. She smiles and says: “I don’t look like Charlene.” I laugh: “No, you really don’t!“ She’s a redhead with pale white skin, with tattoos, a lot of tattoos. She stands up and sits on my knees. I feel my heart beating hard. My breathing shortens. It’s the first time that I am this close with a girl. I already kissed girls but just for play, not for real.  I want her to kiss me. She takes my head in her hands and looks at me with intensity. She comes closer than ever. Then we kiss.

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